Just because

In my last relationship, while there were some good times, there are still some that stand out in my mind, which of course, are the not-so-good memories.

For instance, we would make mix CDs and put together songs that remind us of the other person. I made the first one for him and it was songs that we had heard all the times we hung out and while we dated for a few months - sentimental, right? Not many people can say they remembered what songs played in the movie theater before the movie when you weren't even dating yet... that's how crazy I was about THAT relationship.

Well, he'd try to do the same, but instead of being sweet and sentimental like I was, he would pick songs that he liked without really listening to the lyrics. Then he would play the song and just be like, "this song reminds me of you," and it would legitimately upset me, because they weren't the sort of songs you'd want to be applied to you when you're in a relationship.

Example: "All of This" by Blink-182

Nothing about this song is positive. I could understand if he had been dating someone while talking to me, but he wasn't. I guess I should have realized that would be what set the tone for the relationship, because a majority of the songs he picked for me were the sort of love that's twisted and, for a lack of better word, unhealthy.

I don't want to act all arrogant, but I honestly feel like the CDs I gave him were so much more quality, because I meant what I put on them. I actually learned all the lyrics to the songs I picked - sometimes they weren't even songs I knew, but I picked them, because I knew he'd like them - and I'd sing them to him.

Not to say that he didn't give anything in the relationship as far as feelings goes, but looking back, I just feel like I did more than he did. That is also due to extraneous circumstances that occurred in the relationship and how I look at that, because I'm sure he has a VERY different opinion.

I would love to know if he ever acknowledges that or if it's like a "whatever" situation. Not like it matters, but if he has regretful feelings towards it, I'd at least know he wouldn't do that sort of thing with any of his future conquests.

It's just really sad to think that everything that was sad isn't true or that the other person didn't mean it when they made those promises or said those words. I know feelings change - I get that. But there's just something so unbelievably tragic about it. That not only are we just this infinitesimal speck on the universal scale, but then someone comes into your life, makes you feel like you're larger than life, just to leave and completely forget about you, basically leaving you as an even smaller speck than you felt before all that.

Ignorance is bliss, but I guess everyone has to have some sort of horrible life experience to push them to have higher standards/aspire for something greater. It'd just be nice if my heart, mind, and body didn't have to get involved... especially not all at once like that.

Positive Note: I was truly a host in another life, because in relationships, I definitely get the most enjoyment making the other person feel appreciated and loved :)