Maybe it's because whenever I see Blayn, he keeps asking why I don't like his one friend Cody and I keep just giving him the go-around.
It's not like Cody is a bad guy - in fact, he was really nice to me, albeit he was a total creeper, but he's still a nice guy who has good intentions. But I feel selfish if I just say, "it's because he's not my type/I don't find him attractive" and I especially don't want to say "I don't want to date anyone right now" because that's not a whole-truth.
I'm not knowingly looking for anyone to date, but I guess I would be open to the idea if it were presented to me. Does that make sense? But at the same time, I know I physically can't be in one. How can I make someone else happy when I can barely take care of myself?
I can't date just anyone.. maybe that's where I will always go wrong. I don't compromise my feelings or what I want just to have someone next to me; I've never been that type of girl. Sometimes, I wish I wasn't so picky - what right do I have to be like that?
The next time he asks though, which I know he will when I see him again on Thursday, I'm just going to say a derivative of this:
"I can't reciprocate his feelings, because I don't want to be the reason for anyone's sadness, nor do I ever want to make them feel like they aren't special or important. I don't date just anyone or just because I find them attractive. If I were like that, I wouldn't be where I am right now.. I get in moods where I miss the past entirely too much - I'm too complicated right now and I can't say with certainty that if my ex were to approach me, that I wouldn't waver, even if it's just for a split second."
Maybe I should bring that with me, so that I can eloquently say what's on my mind. I'm just worried he'll open up Pandora's box and what semblance of a friendship we have is just going to collapse entirely.
When did life get so complicated? Better yet, when did I make my life so complicated and why can't I just stop?
It's not like Cody is a bad guy - in fact, he was really nice to me, albeit he was a total creeper, but he's still a nice guy who has good intentions. But I feel selfish if I just say, "it's because he's not my type/I don't find him attractive" and I especially don't want to say "I don't want to date anyone right now" because that's not a whole-truth.
I'm not knowingly looking for anyone to date, but I guess I would be open to the idea if it were presented to me. Does that make sense? But at the same time, I know I physically can't be in one. How can I make someone else happy when I can barely take care of myself?
I can't date just anyone.. maybe that's where I will always go wrong. I don't compromise my feelings or what I want just to have someone next to me; I've never been that type of girl. Sometimes, I wish I wasn't so picky - what right do I have to be like that?
The next time he asks though, which I know he will when I see him again on Thursday, I'm just going to say a derivative of this:
"I can't reciprocate his feelings, because I don't want to be the reason for anyone's sadness, nor do I ever want to make them feel like they aren't special or important. I don't date just anyone or just because I find them attractive. If I were like that, I wouldn't be where I am right now.. I get in moods where I miss the past entirely too much - I'm too complicated right now and I can't say with certainty that if my ex were to approach me, that I wouldn't waver, even if it's just for a split second."
Maybe I should bring that with me, so that I can eloquently say what's on my mind. I'm just worried he'll open up Pandora's box and what semblance of a friendship we have is just going to collapse entirely.
When did life get so complicated? Better yet, when did I make my life so complicated and why can't I just stop?
Love complicates everything. But the things worth it always do.
ReplyDeleteI think saying what you wrote down is perfect. and if someone gets angry over your honest feelings than there isn't room for that somebody. But i don't see that happening.
Good Luck!