I feel like any shred of character development I obtain, I lose within a few days or weeks. I'm about as bipolar as the characters on Glee.. which is saying a lot.

Currently contemplating becoming more of a recluse when, in reality, I only want the opposite of that.

I'm just going to post my thoughts in bullet points, because my brain isn't even processing information correctly.

• Facebook pisses me off. I've made it so I can only be on it for 30 minutes out of the day. Thank you, Get Focused app.
• Trip to Mexico, you say? Seven days? Where'd the money for THAT come from? This is the bulk of my rage. Glad you guys are enjoying your honeymoon phase by going on a week long date with just each other. I hate everything.
• The entire week except for Saturdays is complete and utter BS.
• I wish I had a training facility like Goku had where he could train by increasing the gravity within the pod. Actually, I just wish I had a separate area where I could just rant/punch shit/make a fool of myself.
• I hate being cool as a cucumber and then becoming volatile Valerie.
• I hate not knowing whether it's jealousy of person, place, or both. I hate not knowing if it's because I'm just naturally hateful or if I'm still hurting. I hate not having anyone to blame but myself, because it gets old incredibly fast.
• I hate making posts like this, but I feel like if I don't, then I'll go crazy.
• My first comment, besides, "looking for a fuck to give" after seeing bullet #2, was "well, I'm dating multiple characters, so I don't even cur." This leads me to think there's something wrong with me, but I hardly care at this point.
• I feel like I'm the only one looking back on memories fondly, but then again, I wouldn't know, since it had been made painfully obvious and clear that I was a nuisance.
• I wish I could have slapped some sense into myself a long time ago. I don't think I'll ever stop wishing that, because I wish I had treated myself like I had a shred of dignity.
• If ever I regretted something, it'd be that I had little to no self-respect for myself back in the day & that kills me.
• I feel like a giant hypocrite, but what really gets me, is that tomorrow, I'll be perfectly fine. I'm not sure if I'm actually okay or if I just push it aside until it appears in my periphs again.
• I feel like I can't do anything right and that I'm using school as a means of feeling like I have some worth. I just want to sleep and read manga online and enjoy myself. Is this too much to ask? In a world where people hate their jobs, their lives, and also each other, I guess it is.
• I'm tired of hiding in my dorm because I don't want to see Allie when she tries to socially terrorize me by showing up unannounced. I really wish she would just stop. There's only so many times that you call someone only to have them not answer when you realize, "Hm. Maybe they're avoiding me..."

I'm determined to make this year a good one and up until now it has been, sans a few days where I felt like a depressed sack of water.

tl;dr I NEED CHRISTMAS BREAK LIKE I NEED AIR. GET ME OUT OF THIS DORM AND AWAY FROM MY THOUGHTS!