IDGAF

I WANT TO GO ON A TIRADE AND KILL THINGS.

I have chills. I'm pissed. I'm angry. I'm embarrassed. I feel like this is unfair. My heart hurts and I feel stupid as hell.

All I can say is that I hope you guys are happy. Clearly that horrible dream I had was a premonition, because look at this, you got yourself a girlfriend.

I know it's wrong to be this upset, but I'm sorry I can't easily write off all the bullshit I went through. I know you put up with your fair share too, but what upsets me is that I bet you won't tell this new girl ONE SINGLE THING about the bad that you did.

If she does know about everything, more power to her, because she can do something I can't, which is get over it/move on. I wish I could have been a 3rd party to that bullshit. I guess I'm more upset with myself, because I hate that I even let any of that happen.

I can't even begin to formulate my thoughts coherently.

This explains so much and I can't say that I'm completely surprised, but I still am for the sole fact that I feel like I'm still not emotionally ready to even begin trusting another guy, let alone dating one. I can't get over it. I physically can't. I don't understand ANYTHING in this world if someone like you who has hurt me this badly, someone like you who didn't give a shit about how I felt until after you would make me cry, deserves any kind of happiness let alone one that you would find with someone else.

And fuck me for thinking that way, because you can't be miserable for the rest of your life.

Fuck me for thinking that I don't deserve to feel upset when I think that I have a right to be.

Fuck me for not knowing how I'm supposed to react, because I'm too concerned with remaining indifferent/stoic/uncaring, because that's fucking mature.

Just fuck this moment. Because THIS sucks. I just can't even right now. GOD.