it's a culmination of things really.
I guess I'm just a flawed human being, as much as I try to put on airs that I'm perfect and as hard as I try to be.
I'm just a spoiled little kid who happens to be 20 that hasn't learned how to deal with her emotions properly because I'm never allowed to express them.. or that's how I think anyway. The moment I do express them, I do so in all the wrong ways and make the moment worse, because I lash out, then I feel embarrassed for acting that way. By the time I can rationally react, the moment has already passed and I can't talk about what's bothering me, because now it's not conducive to bring up anymore.
Sometimes, I just really hate how warped my personality is, because I'm hot-tempered, stubborn, irrational, and sensitive. It's the WORST combination to have if you want any semblance of a relationship/friendship/acquaintanceship/anything ship. I'm sure there's probably something mentally wrong with me, because I have absolutely no reason to feel the way I do. I feel "meh" like I don't care about anything, except for when I have free time. I feel lonely, like a burden, like a waste of space. I don't even know why either. Well, I know what triggered it, which as always was a culmination of little things that added up into something that I could apparently justify as "a big deal." I just don't know.
Glee isn't even on tomorrow to get me out of this funk & I have to study, because my lazy ass hasn't and this is supposed to be the hardest test for this class and I barely passed the first one.
IHML KMN OTL
Jessica you are a beautiful amazing person, hardly the worst person ever. I want you to know that I mean when I say you can talk to me about anything. Even if its me. I understand that people sometimes get angry at others and sometimes its healthier to just get it out there. I'm always here to listen to any problem you may have. You have become one of my best friends and I would gladly listen to anything you need to say. Without judgement, no matter the discussion.
ReplyDeleteYou are seriously one of the greatest people ever. Don't think for a second you are anywhere near the worst for simply being human. <3
You are definitely not a waste of space. I am so unbelievably thankful to have you in my life :D
<3 d'aw thanks ashley!! Even though I do consider you to be one of my best friends too, I often feel silly for having problems. I was always the friend that helped other people, so it's difficult for me :P
ReplyDeleteI tend to think progressively worse about myself when I get really stressed and also when I get sleepy, which is why I love sleep so much, because it often cheers me up.